A few weeks ago I was asked why I choose to refrain from participating in a gay relationship. I feel this question is very similar to another one that LGBT Mormons are often asked: “Why do you stay in the Church?” Why support a church that teaches that any sexual activity outside of marriage between a man and a woman is sinful when your inclination is the exact opposite? Why believe in a God that allows (or causes) these attractions to develop and then tells you never to act them out to their full extent? Why stop yourself from doing what comes naturally to you?

To me the answer is simple: the Gospel is true.

There are a few important distinctions that need to be clear to explain my point:

First, the difference between thoughts and actions. Although we do need to watch our thoughts and control them, we cannot be held responsible for temptations and inclinations that enter our minds. We only become responsible when we allow such immoral thoughts to linger and fester into lustful desires. Homosexual attractions are not sinful. It is only when such attractions turn into lustful desires or behavior that repentance becomes necessary. Thus an individual can experience same-sex attraction and remain completely worthy in the eyes of God and the Church, so long as they keep said desires within the bounds the Lord has set.

Second, the difference between our spiritual self and the “natural man.” In the LDS church, we use the term “natural man” to refer to our carnal, selfish, primitive, and bestial natures. The natural man is a consequence of mortality, of our separation from God during this life of trial and temptation. It is wholly concerned with “now” and “me.” We must learn to control these desires, to tame our bodies and let our mind – our spirit – rule. It is our spiritual self that learns, that grows, that sacrifices its own desires for the good of others. When we decide to forgo instant gratification in favor of a better reward in the future, our spirit is in control.

So why am I still a Mormon? Because I know that I will be happier following the guidance of my Heavenly Father than submitting to the domination of the natural man. I know that these feelings are nothing to be ashamed of, but I cannot allow myself to believe that acting on them will bring me true happiness. The Lord blesses, comforts, and supports those who trust Him, even when it means giving up earthly happiness for a distant but eternal joy. I choose to believe in Christ. I choose to obey His commandments. I support the Church because it is the Kingdom of God on earth.

I asked my North Star friends what their reasons were for staying active and supporting the Church. Here are some of their answers.

“When the spirit speaks and you gain a testimony, what more can you do? It’s challenging, but my ways aren’t His ways, and since I know who He is and that I am His son, I trust in him.”

“I’ve always known that I have a Heavenly Father and that this is the restored Church of Jesus Christ with the priesthood keys here on the Earth. I am also encouraged by the Plan of Salvation. An eternal perspective is what drives all of my decisions, opinions, and beliefs…. It’s not worth giving up the testimony that God has given me, all my many questions aside.”

“As the only active member of my family, I had wanted to know for myself, not wanting to waste my time if I was only going for my friends. When I was 15 I received my witness. I haven’t been able to shake it since. Since then I’ve been close to the Church and I’ve been far away. Although it has been challenging at times (lots of times), I’ve never been happier than when I’m close to my Savior and His Church.”

“I personally believe that covenants are the only source of true and lasting peace. An important part of my journey is having a community I can trust that helps me to live my covenants, and the community of the LDS Church helps me do that on a daily basis. Being an active member of the Church and developing healthy platonic friendships with men allows me to experience the best of both worlds. That is why I choose to remain active.”

“An important realization I came to was that part of God’s intent with His Gospel is to grant me richness and depth in my relationships with men, not take it away. The hope of experiencing male friendships that have been conceived and made eternal through that Gospel and its power drives me to the Church and away from homosexual relationships.”

“At a young age I felt forced to learn for myself whether the Church was true, because that testimony (or lack thereof) would entirely shape my life. So when I did gain a testimony that this is the true and complete Church of Jesus Christ, nothing else mattered. It certainly isn’t the easy path. My attractions tend to pull me in the entirely opposite direction that I want to travel, but no trial has brought me closer to my Heavenly Father, nor strengthened my understanding of the atonement of Jesus Christ more effectively than my SSA. I am grateful that my Heavenly Father trusted me enough to allow me to experience this growing opportunity.”