And no, this has nothing to do with biology.

In my latest phone call with my mom, I spent some time talking about why it’s valuable and important for people to leave home and see how other people live and think. Here’s what I came up with.

It started with the story of a missionary who was quickly overwhelmed and wanted to return home. I sympathized with the “culture shock” concept of suddenly going from where you grew up (be it in a small town or the big city) to the complete opposite. I said that it’s important for everyone to have that general experience – though in this case the missionary should absolutely go home and take care of himself. Your own mental health trumps whatever obligation you think you owe God.

You see, humans, as a social species, depend heavily on the actions and opinion of those around us. It’s also much of how we internalize morality and values. Do something “right” and people reward you; do something “wrong” and you are punished. The opinions of those closest to you are the most important, but you’re still aware of those further away, weighing each different reaction based on the owner’s value in your eyes combined with your own intrinsic senses.

And what happens when your circle of awareness is small? If the only other people you have in the world are your parent(s), they hold 100% of your external influence. You have no other options to compare against, and so whatever power social instinct places in others is totally concentrated in them, and they become unwitting and hopefully benevolent dictators over you, whether they want to or not.

Add even one outside person and their power is diluted somewhat. Now you have another mind to react to your behavior. And if they react differently than your parents, you get to decide how much importance to place in each reaction. How did you feel about your parent’s response vs this neighbor’s? Do you agree with your parents or neighbor? Why or why not? The more people you have, the more variety is present in response, and you can begin to balance yourself against a wider and more complete world.

In a small rural town, there’s definitionally fewer people, which unfortunately means fewer influences and diversity, even if every one of those people think differently. But small towns don’t usually involve every citizen holding a unique opinion on every topic. Over time, if that town does not regularly interact with the outside world, a kind of homogeneity of thought will naturally form, simply because there’s nothing to change their minds except themselves. Leave the town isolated long enough and they’ll trend towards feeling fundamentally different from other towns and people. And if that feeling of separation persists long enough without being challenged, it can get more ingrained and react aggressively when faced with anything “other.”

Real-world towns aren’t usually that isolated, though splinter groups will form regardless of population density. But the difference in communication and lived experience between a rural town and urban life still harbors enough separation for the frequent formation of an “us and them” mentality.

Which is why it’s important for people to get out of their original mindset and experience the reality of a wider world. The hope is that for most people this will teach them to understand that the things they know aren’t everything. What I value isn’t always the same as what other people value. AND THAT’S NOT ALWAYS BAD.

And this applies to those who grew up in the big city, too, though often with a different kind of outcome.

For people who were always surrounded by many diverse opinions, “getting out” isn’t so much about realizing that other people exist. It’s more of a powerful jolt that even the myriad minds they may already know still don’t account for the infinite variety of the actual world, and that they should never settle thinking that they’ve got it all covered. And if they happen to be comfortably well-off, experiencing a part of the world or culture that does without all the pomp or decoration might lead them to question whether their priorities are well-placed.

During this conversation, mom mentioned how she and dad had lived in multiple large cities and I realized that that was likely a major influence in why my religious education wasn’t as extreme as I sometimes hear from others. Because my parents understood that the world is large and other people we may not know still matter, we never learned to think of ourselves as special or better than anyone else just because we were white or “knew the truth.” I always personally approached the supernatural claims of my religion as almost mundane. “It’s just how the world works, nothing mystical.” And no idea ever felt too sacrosanct to consider. I wasn’t scared to question my faith because doing so would somehow be “wrong.” And once I became cognizant that my attractions qualified under the label of gay, I never once felt pressured to pray it away.

If my parents hadn’t experienced the level of diverse thought that they had, there’s a good chance that they would have taught me and my siblings differently. I might have hated myself for liking men. They might have disowned me and my brother for admitting reality and following our own paths. We might not have any level of cordial relationship; or worse, one or both of us might not be around at all.

I’ve said many times before that diversity is beautiful. This is why.