One of the most applicable lessons that I’ve come to learn over the past few months is that there is as much variation within any given community as in any other.

Before I realized I was gay, I think that the stereotype of the flamboyant and promiscuous homosexual male was the strongest-held belief in my mind. There’s nothing like finding out you’re part of a group to change the way you feel about it. But joining North Star and interacting with other gay men and women has led me to realize that this group that I imagined only one possible side of is just as complex as any group I have known.

Yes, stereotypes are born from slivers of truth, but humans are far too complex to be described by any single statement. There are many gay men who are flamboyant and promiscuous, but there are plenty of straight men, too. Among the ranks of the most stereotypically “masculine” and tough men there must be some who privately enjoy the more “feminine” traits and behaviors, no matter their sexual orientation.

Recently I saw a YouTube video by one Hank Green entitled Human Sexuality is Complicated, in which he gives a very clear (to me at least) explanation of this complexity by separating biological sex from gender identification and sexual orientation from sexual behavior. I like this separation, because it promotes the belief that how you feel does not guarantee how you will act.

We all have the freedom to choose our actions. Addiction and consequences for poor choices in the past limit our agency in the moment, but at no point are we ever completely unable to choose how we will act or respond to the actions of others. Good actions lead to good consequences and an increase in potential freedom in future choices. A person’s tendencies or temptations make certain decisions more difficult or complicated, but they do not limit the possible choices.

All people, whether they are within the LGBT community or not, should strive to instill this understanding within their hearts and minds. Just because someone disagrees with you doesn’t mean they hate you. And just because someone acts contrary to your beliefs doesn’t make them any less worthy of your love and understanding. Both sides are more complex than either would like to admit. We all need to look a little deeper at ourselves and each other. Stereotypes present a shallow and often extreme picture of a deeply complicated person. I hope we can each remember to see others as complete and unique individuals rather than shallow façades in colorful clothes.