Growing up I often found myself conflicted when my parents would interrupt my down-time to ask a favor – such as mowing the lawn or doing the dishes. I knew that the “correct” response was to perform the task, but since I was enjoying whatever my current activity happened to be, I didn’t want to say yes. This often led to minor arguments and grudging acquiesence.

As I matured and could begin to examine myself I discovered that if I gave myself a little time to transition between tasks I would end up in a better mood. By deciding to perform the “unwanted” activity, but after a suitable grieving period for my more desired activity, my logical and selfish sides could agree and all was well in the kingdom.

I didn’t really understand why this approach worked or how applicable the underlying concept could be until yesterday. But first, another short story.

Last May I attended a lecture about breaking the cycle of addiction. I learned that a huge factor of addictive behavior is a cycle of repressed emotions. The process tends to go like this…

For whatever reason, I feel some kind of negative emotion (grief, temptation, fear, etc). Naturally I do not enjoy this emotion, but rather than allow myself to “experience” the emotion I attempt to stifle it. This repression can take any form (e.g. drugs, pornography, aggressive behavior). While the repression does manage to distract me from the original emotion, it does not resolve it, but instead often adds new negativity to the mix (regret, shame, pain, loss).

This cycle can only be broken by acknowledging and allowing ourselves to experience the causal emotions. It is uncomfortable, but our emotions exist for a reason. They help us process events, make decisions, and learn from mistakes. Allowing ourselves to experience and process the emotions frees us up to move on and continue to grow. Stunting our emotions stunts our growth.

What occurred to me yesterday was the connection between these two lessons:

When we understand and accept, within our own minds and hearts, the truth of how we feel, what we want, or who we are, we are empowered to learn, grow, turn aside temptation, and take control of our own lives.

We have the power to choose how we react to change and difficulty. We can stifle and stunt our emotional growth, or we can accept and acknowledge the truth and choose how to move on.

So cry when you’re sad. Laugh all you can. Hug your friends. Kiss those you love. Sing. Talk. Write. Dance.

Live.