It’s not an uncommon experience for me lately to hear someone say something along the lines of “I don’t like to use the word [insert word here], because I don’t want that to define me. Why do we have labels in the first place? Why can’t I just be me?” The concept of identity is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time, and I’d like to write up a few thoughts about its benefits and pitfalls.

First off and most important, identity is fluid. It changes over time, even from minute to minute sometimes. You are not the same person now that you were last year or even last week. Everything you experience and every action you take has an effect on how you see yourself, as an individual and in relation to others. We are constantly changing, and that is the way it should be.

As intelligent creatures, we are capable of thinking about ourselves – our motivations, strengths, and weaknesses. But it is intensely difficult if not impossible to properly think about ourselves without words, and we certainly can’t talk about it to others without some kind of language. Words are how we transmit the complex workings of our brains to another person. Words are how we think to ourselves, how we make and rationalize decisions, how we put order to the chaos around and inside of us.

Labels are words associated with identity. Throughout our lives we adopt and shed labels as we grow. Any single label is incapable of wholly defining anyone, and everyone is more than the sum of their labels. If we keep that in mind, we shouldn’t be afraid of them. Labels are powerful tools that can empower us at the deepest level of our souls.

Let’s think of a few empowering labels. Father. Mother. Protector. Provider. Advocate. Survivor. Leader. Example. Adventurer. Friend.

Labels like these, when incorporated properly into our identities, can motivate us beyond that which we thought ourselves capable. We can evolve beyond the primal beast and make the world a better place for us and everyone else. We can withstand difficulties and experience a more complete and happy life.

But labels are powerful. The wrong labels – applied by ourselves, or others when we let them – can hold us back, make us shrink and hide, and disconnect us from all that is good.

Weak. Stupid. Retarded. Sinner. Mistake. [Insert favorite rude insult here].

We decide which labels become part of our identity, but the world can exert a lot of pressure. It’s difficult to resist the tide of negativity and backbiting. We need to discover and rely on our positive labels to shine light on the false labels.

Not every label is so obviously good or bad. Even good and bad are labels. How you and others view a label has a profound impact on your willingness to accept or reject it.

White. Black. Man. Woman. Christian. Muslim.

Mormon.

Gay.

If you are someone who has a problem with some label, you need to realize that every single person in the world is just as complicated and real as you. Don’t assume to know or judge someone based a few of their labels. There is as much variety and beauty in labels you disapprove of as those you apply to yourself. No matter what labels you incorporate into your identity, know that everyone is amazing and beautiful. Life is a marvelous experience and there is no reason to let such powerful but small things as words come between us.

If you don’t like who you are today, you can change. That’s the power of being alive. But sometimes it’s better to change the way you view your labels than to reject or hide them. We each have a unique identity, cultivated over time, and whether we like it or not we continue to change. Take control of your identity and make it a powerful tool, but don’t try to keep it tied into one shape because you think it’s nice the way it is. Allow yourself to change and enjoy all the variety in yourself and the world around you.