This image of the newly-christened Caitlyn (formerly Bruce) Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair magazine has been making waves of the tsunami variety. Caitlyn’s announcement has catapulted gender identity issues into the spotlight alongside sexual orientation and made the much-less-known “T” in LGBT a force to be reckoned with.

The issue of gender identity (transgender, gender dysphoria, whatever you want to call it) is complicated and strange, but definitely real. I don’t think I believed it before knowing some people who directly experience it, but it didn’t take a lot of convincing. When you know someone, and find out they defy your ingrained beliefs, you must either reevaluate your concept of the person, or question your beliefs. When I realized the truth of my same-gender attractions, I had to accept that my prejudiced stereotypes were false. The same holds for transgender people. What they experience is real, deep, and personal. Don’t try to say they are just confused, or that it’s just a phase. Do try to listen to them and open your mind and heart to understand.

This video explains the differences and intersection between biological sex, gender identity, romantic attractions, and sexual behavior. It helped me to understand and accept labels, both for myself and others. It explains why, whether or not I agree with Caitlyn’s decisions, I will refer to her as “she.” It explains why I use the term “gay” without any assumption about behavior. And best of all, it explains that all of these factors lie on infinite and independent spectrums. Gender is not 100% male or 100% female. Attractions are not 100% male or 100% female. And your sex and gender may disagree, but neither is the absolute determining factor on attractions or behavior.

And that’s why I think transgender people have it the hardest out of the LGBT world, especially within religious groups. Take as an example a transgender man (FYI, this means he is biologically female) who is attracted to women. Is he gay or straight? He would claim to be straight, but some would insist that “she” is gay. Transgender people have all that craziness added on to their lives, no matter what they find attractive.

So, life is crazy and confusing. No one has everything figured out, not even religious leaders. Don’t go calling people that you don’t understand “sick freaks”. And if you don’t have something uplifting to say, maybe you should think about why not.