This post is to those who have friends or family that are suffering or angry after hearing about the new policy updates by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints regarding same-sex marriage and the children of these couples. You may have trouble understanding why they are sad. Let me try to explain how I felt. Maybe it will help you understand their pain a little better.

I understand that my reasons for hurting are not necessarily the same reasons as someone else. I hope that whatever reason your friends or family members have, you treat them with respect and love in this difficult time.

For me, I think the biggest reason I was shocked and hurt to read the news was because it forced me to face some facts I hadn’t honestly considered before. Over the last two years I have been working to “come to terms” with my same-sex attractions, meaning I was trying to reconcile how I felt about myself, my religion, and others. I feel I have properly chronicled that journey in this blog, so look to earlier posts to see how that has gone for me. But in all this time, I have avoided facing the fierce reality of one thing.

I want a relationship. I want to be married. I want to have children. I want to have someone I love who fulfills my needs and satisfies my soul on many levels. I want to care for someone more than I care for myself. I want to share my life with that person and dedicate our lives to raising our children in love and joy. And if I let that person be a man, the way I so often want it to be, then I would be going against the teachings and doctrine of my religion and would have to face serious consequences for it. That idea is scary and painful, so I have never really faced it.

But these updates, written to be clear and undeniable, written in unemotional black and white, shove reality in my face. It rips away this unspoken, forbidden dream from deep inside my heart. Yeah, sure, I knew that it could never really happen. I knew in my head that I wouldn’t let myself get that close to another man. But in my heart things aren’t reasonable. In my heart I imagine experiencing that level of deep love, and it feels amazing. Exposing the deep feelings of my heart to the harsh light of reality stings. And it takes time to heal.

I know that Christ leads this church. I trust in His love. I know the brethren do not hate me or my friends and family that are pursuing same-sex relationships. I may not fully understand it, and it will take time to recover from the shock, but its in hard times like this that I have to rely on my testimony. I have gained my own testimony through my own experiences, and no one can take that away. I have no doubt at all that the Book of Mormon is the word of God, that He restored His church through the prophet Joseph Smith, and that He continues to lead the church through revelation. I stand by the Church, even though I do not understand everything right now.

But it still hurts, and that’s okay.

So dear readers, have compassion on those who are suffering. Treat those who are angry with respect. Love those who leave the Church and continue to involve them in your lives. They are all children of our Heavenly Father. He will always love them, no matter what they do. So we should also love them, even if they leave the church. After all, that’s what Christ would do.