So last night in my dream I’m talking to a friend and eventually come out as gay, and he gets pretty annoyed that I hadn’t told him before. And the important part of how I responded was this: “I didn’t have the words, growing up, to know what was happening.”

Over this Christmas break I’ve been watching some new-to-me TV shows on Nick, namely Henry Danger and Game Shakers. And a few times I’ve thought about how a particular scene or line could affect the target audience of twelve- to fourteen-year-old kids.

In an early episode of Game Shakers one of the characters is watching a wartime movie where one soldier is dying (from a shrimp allergy) in the arms of another, and it is explained that they love each other. “Gay” isn’t used, and the character’s explanation of “love” is when two people like each other and want to hang out. But it’s there: two men are described as loving each other. And I had two competing thoughts. First, a little surprise that a TV show targeted at middle school kids so casually used love like that. And second, a little fear at the possible response that could happen when a parent learns about this and doesn’t agree.

There’s a much more comedic scene in an episode of Henry Danger, in which the main character eats a “mystical” muffin that acts like a love potion, but it gets directed at his best friend instead of the woman who was trying to use it, and for the next few minutes he won’t stop hugging or playing with his hair. I saw the bit coming and was quite happy when it happened, even though it’s played out for humor.

There are plenty of people, and some who might read this post, who would be angry at any non-adult-rated TV show or movie “indoctrinating” its audience with pro-LGBT content, however brief. They see it as advocating sin, or a mental disorder. They think seeing something like that might influence kids to participate in similar behavior. They think it’s harmful to expose kids to something like that before they’re “mature enough” to know such things exist.

But kids are going through stuff like that long before they’re adults. My first crush on another boy that I remember was in 5th or 6th grade. And if they are never shown that other people might feel the same way (and that it’s okay), they will think they are alone, broken, or sick. They will fear or hate themselves, and try to sever a part of their soul.

It doesn’t work. You can’t repress feelings like that. They are too strong and too important to throw in the trash. And if you are afraid of them, they become this monster in the night, haunting you in secret, that you can never escape.

But if you learn that you aren’t alone, that you aren’t suffering from some disease, that you can be honest and happy without trying to destroy or hide some of the deepest parts of you, then you can avoid years and decades of suffering. You can grow into a strong and mature adult. You can be at peace.

I hid the truth from myself for most of my life, and I’ve spent the last four years trying to resolve the problems that deception has caused. I’m finally at a point where I think I am content with myself, but it required redefining my past, present, and future. And I’m still not exactly happy. I still have a long way to go to overcome the damage I did to myself out of fear.

I didn’t have the words, growing up, to know what was happening. But now I do, and I’m glad we’re starting to teach the rising generation.