Note: This post is about my personal decisions and is not a condemnation of any who choose differently. I hope nothing I say is taken personally.

One of the questions people tend to ask me shortly after I explain my sexuality to them is whether I still like girls at all. I’d like to take some time to explain just how I feel concerning the female gender.

But first an explanation of what’s called the Kinsey scale. The Kinsey scale is a self-assessment of sexual attractions on a scale of 0 to 6 – 0 indicating that one’s attractions are entirely heterosexual and 6 that attractions are entirely homosexual. I currently rate myself at 5, meaning that while I do occasionally feel physical attraction to women, it is rare compared to males.

But the Kinsey scale is a ratio. A matter of numbers, not quality. I want to talk about how I feel about women, not how often I feel it.

Deciding (or discovering) how I felt about women was one of the important things I had to do when I was working on accepting and understanding the reality of my same-sex attractions. I was lucky to be old enough at this time that I could step back slightly and evaluate my feelings from a more mature perspective.

The best word I can use to describe my feelings is “softer.” There are no blazing trumpets or wild stallions. Just a calm and beautiful breeze. It’s easy to get caught up in the noise – I don’t have to work to hear it and it’s always right in my face, vying for attention. Putting that aside and listening to the wind takes effort, but it is beautiful. It is possible for me to imagine loving a woman wholly and completely, even though I will always hear the raucous noise of men.

And I’m very happy that my feelings for women appear to be completely divorced from the natural inclinations towards my own gender. I know that any sexual relationship I might pursue with other men would be purely physical – a way to satisfy natural desires – and that it would not satisfy me spiritually in the ways that I want. It is comforting to me to know that whatever feelings that may develop towards any particular woman would be, in comparison, valuable and pure, a product of effort, love, and the grace of God.

Thanks for reading.