The world has been changing over the last few years. Seemingly out of nowhere, the world now accepts the reality of lesbian and gay relationships (whether they support them or not). Bisexual people are still often thought of as gay-in-denial, but they at least fall into the same basic category. It’s the “T” of LGBT that has it the hardest these days, I say. So many people still think that every transgender person in the world is either confused or lying.

The fight for gay rights has been going on for decades. Now with Caitlyn Jenner’s Vanity Fair cover, transgender issues have been brought out into the limelight. And you thought same-sex attraction was complicated…

Gender identity is its own spectrum, completely independent from romantic or sexual attraction. And yes, gender identity can be different than biological sex. Here’s a pretty picture:

In short, your biology is separate from how you feel, is separate from how you act, is separate from who you like, is separate from who you want to woo-hoo.

This is reality. There are feminine men. There are masculine women. There are boys who like boys. There are girls who like girls. There are people who don’t like anyone. There are people who like everyone, but don’t really want to have sex with anyone.

One of the big arguments I hear against trans people is “I’m just stating facts! Biology has my back.” Yeah, we know. You’re right about biology and the facts. If their biology was different, they wouldn’t be trans. That’s not the point.

A more religious argument is “God doesn’t make mistakes. No one would be born with the wrong biology!” In a perfect world, you would be right. But if we’re all born the way we should be, explain intersex births; explain blind/deaf/autistic kids; explain stillborn and miscarried infants. We live in a fallen world. Biology is allowed to make mistakes.

Out of simplicity I have avoided using longer acronyms than “LGBT” on this blog. Don’t be angry: I know there are lots more. Care to hear a few?

  • L: Lesbian - A girl who likes (romantically and/or sexually) girls
  • G: Gay - A boy who likes (romantically and/or sexually) boys
  • B: Bisexual - Someone who likes (romantically and/or sexually) either sex
  • T: Transgender - Someone whose gender identity is different than their assigned biological sex
  • Q: Queer - Definition varies by individual
  • Q: Questioning - Someone who has not decided where or if they fit
  • I: Intersex - Someone who biologically doesn’t conform to either sex
  • P: Pansexual - Someone whose romantic or sexual attractions are not limited or affected by gender or sex
  • 2S: Two-Spirit - The concept that someone can have *both* male and female spirits
  • A: Asexual - Someone who is not *sexually* attracted to anyone, or who do not identity with any orientation (there’s a lot of room inside this letter for romantic orientation or degree of sexual desire)
  • A: Ally - Supporters of any of the other letters or letters yet to be discovered

Making the most inclusive abbreviation I have seen LGBTQQIP2SAA, which is pretty hard to work with (I’ve even seen an “F” lying around someplace). So I tend to keep it simple. But I do enjoy some of these other variations for their honesty or humor:

  • QUILTBAG: Queer/Questioning, Undecided, Intersex, Lesbian, Trans, Bi, Asexual, Gay
  • GLOW: Gay, Lesbian, Or Whatever

So yeah, there’s a lot of people out there that don’t fit the traditional “boy likes girl” scenario. It’s confusing and complicated, but it’s real.

You don’t have to like it. You don’t really even have to understand it. But don’t go saying that we’re lying, confused, perverted, or looking for attention. This is our life. It’s deeply personal and special to us. Don’t devalue our existence by refusing to accept us as real human beings.

On the subject of transgender rights, I agree that it’s complicated. How do you go about balancing their dignity, comfort, and security with the dignity, comfort, and security of everyone else?

I don’t know the answers. I guess it’s different for everyone. But I know that everyone deserves to be treated as a complete, complicated, beautiful, and real person who matters, no matter what they look like, how they feel, who they love, or what they believe. So spread the word: every life matters.